I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
