it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
