Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
