I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
