Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
