you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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