Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
