Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
