After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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