pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
