i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize