my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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