How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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