Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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