I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
