I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
