He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
