next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
