but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
