i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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