I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
