Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
