i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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