My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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