So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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