quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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