how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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