I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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