i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Barsexuality is the new black.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
