Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Acid is not a monday night drug
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
