Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
