Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
