I think I won the penis lottery.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
