we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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