I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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