hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
