90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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