sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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