I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
