I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
