This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
