I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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