whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
