Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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