My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
