Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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