I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
