We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
