I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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