Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
