I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
