I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
