I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
