Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
