If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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