Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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