god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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