we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
