It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
