So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
