she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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