Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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