I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
