I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
