Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
