Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
