what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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